Narcissus
by Souji-han
Summary: This is a story about a sick girl and how she spent her last days of her life. BEWARE... NO HAPPY ENDING... Based on the visual novel by stage-nana.... R&R please!
1. Narcissus Prologue

**Author's note:**

**If you have read Narcissus (a free visual novel by stage-nana) before, then you will know how this story goes.**

**Soooo.. I got to say this. Many parts of this story would be the same or almost the same as the novel. So I apologize if its against any law or copyright. But I would be changing the plot slightly as the chapters go.**

**Why I wanted to write this was because of a friend. She reminded me of this and so, this is for you, my good friend.**

**And another thingy…. I don't own the characters.. they are own by Sunrise. (bloody hell) and all the credit goes to them and stage-nana.**

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Prologue

Spring 1996

I've never been very healthy ever since I was a child. Even so, I attended elementary school like any other child and during summer breaks. I would have my fair share of with friends. I would play till I was very tanned or at least very muddy. Climbing trees, playing soccer, catching spiders… anything would make me happy.

At least it was fun while it lasted.

* * *

June 1996

Shortly, after I entered middle school, the day after I'd ordered a swimsuit for use the next month.

My first hospitalization.

This was the day just before the first semester midterms.

This was the day when the first drops of rain were so cruelly cold, falling from amidst the pure white of the overcast sky.

Of course. All my classmates came to visit me almost everyday.

And when I was released, they could come over to my house to play. But this was only the first time around.

Autumn turned to winter, winter turned to spring and spring became summer soon after.

It became a vicious cycle.

Hospitalization, release, clinics…. And hospitalization again.

And before I knew it, my once called friends, turned into acquaintances, and slowly, to strangers.

As if with each changing of seasons, my existence was slowly erased from their collective memory.

"It seems that to all those normal people, my very existence was an 'unpleasant' fact."

"And so… it looks like I've been erased… I'd spent too many seasons, so many white overcast skies, without the want or need to converse with anybody..."

For that matter, my many textbooks never changed. They were still the same 1st-year middle school student before the first mid terms.

"That is where my time seems to come to an end."

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**So if you guys have read the novel before (by stage-nana) you will know what will happen in the end... and it isnt a happy ending.**

**And another note: i got to say sorry to anyone who is unhappy with this start.. coz its almost the same as the novel.. but i couldnt change much of it or the plot wont flow... so sorry! but the upcoming chapters would be more towards the Mai Hime Characters instead of the Original couple in the novel...**

**So this is a prologue. More will be coming soon…R&R please!**


	2. Narcissus 1

**Author's note:**

**So this is chapter 1. the start of this tragic story (You have been warned!)**

**Please enjoy and review.**

**I don't own anything characters… they are owned by Sunrise and stage-nana**

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8 years later. Summer 2004

Summer

Flowing sweat

Unbearable heat

The sound of engines running

The gigantic electronic scoreboard in the driver's license examination facility lit up all at once.

Like any other nervous candidate, my eyes with everyone else's darted up and looked for our respective numbers.

"212… 212…. 212…."

There it is! 212! In between red columns of digits, there, shining was my examination number.

"Ara! There it is!" I beamed at the red digits and quickly headed to the counter to get the long awaited card.

------

That night…

"I'm home." I said as I took off my shoes and walked into the dining area. I found my parents already starting on their dinner. I greeted them with a short bow and headed to my place for my meal.

When I told my parents that I've gotten my license, their reply were simple and curt. "I see"

And when I asked if I could borrow the car, just for a short test run, an instant reply came. "No."

Their response was all too expected. Well it wasn't like I really wanted to drive the car or anything. I just wanted to see if anything would be new with them. Those were my parents for you.

I never particularly wanted to drive a car.

I never particular had any motive for it

It's just that my colleagues and the school both recommended that I at least get a driver's license. It would be easier to move around from home to school as I stayed a little far from campus.

So…

--

The next day…

I woke up with my chest hurting and was immediately sent to the hospital.

I've always been a healthy child. So I strongly believe that sickness and I are not related. Or so I said to myself as the TV screen in the ER room played and ironic replay of the famous American TV drama called ER.

_This is boring._

Just when I thought they were done examining me, doctors and nurses came rushing towards me for more X-rays and blood tests. And left me there. _Waiting again._

I was starting to feel upset at my overstayed at this hospital. I'm going to miss my favorite TV show.

I already finished reading all magazines that were left on that small wooden coffee table. A sigh was heard from me as my hands reach out to reach out for another when…

"Shizuru? Shizuru Fujino?"

"Hai?" My tired eyes looked up at the young looking nurse where a sad smile was found on her face.

That was it. They admitted me to the hospital right then and there.

And it seems that my new license, which was still pocketed safely in my bag, would have to wait a long time for its turn to come.

---

Autumn 2004

I once again found myself in hospital, as usual.

Of course, it wasn't as if I had been there the entire time.

I just came and went. And back again and went. And again. Cycle after cycle.

What a futile cycle it was.

My first surgery was a month before. Which was supposed to be a one time thing. However, the pain did not stop.

And from then on, I was hospitalized, discharged, ordered to clinic and hospitalized again and again and again and again.

And all these while, I still had no clue what the doctors were spouting out of their mouth or the illness I suddenly was stuck with. All I knew was, months have already passed, and I'm still in this wretched cycle.

Slowly, as my appetite decreased, my medication increased.

I could feel my own physical strength atrophying away.

As I looked in the mirror, I kept imagining that my face has gotten much thinner than how it used to be. Looking down, my legs seemed to be the same as well.

To confirm my imagination was not fake were those hot red digits of the weighing scale, saying each time when I stood on it, "that is not your imagination."

And yet I… kept looking at myself with detached interest.

As if I was looking at a sad scene on TV.

As if it was happening to someone else and not me.

My mind would not grasp what had so suddenly happened to my body. Nothing within me was telling me that this was real.

And that I am sick.

---

Winter 2004

A day of winter. Around when the Christmas trees had vanished from the streets.

I was once again, discharged from my "home". It must be some sort of an end of year treat for me.

It seems something was off. I knew I wasn't well enough to be out of hospital. But who cares. At least, I'm out of the 6 people ward and the and that just made me so much happier already. I wasn't miserable with the stay there. It's just upsetting to see people admitted and discharged again and again and you are still there. After so many months.

As I travelled back to my home, which I had not seen for such a long time, all these really seem to be not real at all.

In the midst of a freezing rain, strangely enough, my entire family was there. My parents, whom never so much as to talk to me, came out to greet me, with their all too stiff smiles and a big hug.

They even prepared my favorite meal, just for me.

They made me sit at the table with them. They waited till all of us were sit around the table before eating.

They peeled tangerines for me.

Mother made a small chocolate cake as desert.

It was an impressive display.

They were just too cruelly kind.

At this point… a little thought occurred to me. My not so new but never used driver's license, was still in my bag ever since the first day I was in hospital.

The poor thing. The chance to use it might never come.

And watching the duo of stilted painful smiles, I kept my perfected smile to match theirs and a small thought n my head.

That as if it was someone else's business with dispassion, ambiguity and total disinterest.

---

January 2005

The New Year began and instead of being led back to the same bed in the same hospital, seeing different nurses and waiting for all those too familiar routines, I ended up in a conference room of sorts.

This isn't the 3rd floor of the hospital. A quick thought came to my head as my father and the doctors walked into the room.

They were in a deep but small talk. I was joined into the conversation, or rather forced into it. I wasn't interested but it doesn't matter.

They had an announcement to make. They said it in a terribly roundabout fashion. They could have just gone straight to the point.

But I understood.

I was going to die.

"I see…" my only reply. I had no other words. It was the only thing that left my mouth from the beginning to the end.

Ballpoint pens flew across the paper as if in response to my words.

Those were properly some enrollment procedures. Businesslike and professional, from start to finish. My father was no different.

_So it is that simple_… my first real thought after a long while of feeling nothing.

That day, I was transferred from 3rd floor to 8th floor. From a 6 person room to a private room.

It was a little different from the other wards.

This is 8F.

First of all, the floors were sparkling clean with boring white vinyl carpets.

Second, the ceiling was much higher than any other floors, all painted white.

The rooms were nice and it had large windows for which warm daylight could stream in.

But the windows only opened a little.

Curious, I tested them out. My head wouldn't even fit. It could barely budge more than 15cm from its hinges.

The color of my ID bracelet had changed as well.

The bracelet that I worn ever since my very first hospitalization, the one that had my name and blood type recorded on it.

The color has how changed from blue to white.

A high ceiling.

A white vinyl bracelet.

Large white framed windows that allowed sunlight in and that would not open more than 15 cm.

TV programs celebrating the New Year were still playing as I transferred to this 8F.

And it was at the dawn of that very New Year's Day.

That I met her for the first time.

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****sooooo... it is still somewhat the same as the novel. be patient... so R&R please.... and flames, comments, praises, rants etc etc are more than welcome. BTW.. i apologise if there is any grammer or spelling errors... i'm not too good at my language.  
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	3. Narcissus 2

**Author's note:**

**So Shizuru is on 8F now. And who's the girl? I bet you all will know now.**

**A shout-out to: komett, musicslave88, blackfang64, xEvilAngel56x, Silver bluey san! Thanks for the review :)**

**and on a side note... if you guys wanna read the novel by stage-nana.. you will know what happen in this story.. so its major spoiler! LOL.. you have been warned.**

**I own nothing. I never had and I never will. *sigh***

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Winter 2005 – 8F

There was a lounge-like place at one side of the corridor, across from the nurse station.

It's a generally deserted placed, holding a few couches and foldable chairs as well as a large TV.

Stupid programs commemorating the New Year were still being broadcast on that 32 inch flat screen.

And there was a girl who looked absolutely bored, watching that absolutely boring TV.

Short. Well not too short, but still shorter than me. Blue pajamas. A white bracelet. Just like mine.

Her impressive long midnight color hair that almost reached down to her hips.

"Hello… do you find that interesting?" I asked.

There was no deep purpose in the asking. I had nothing else to do, so I started talking to her.

"No. not really." The rough voice came as a reply to me.

She didn't turn to face me at all.

And she kept looking on with boredom that was screaming across her dull emerald eyes on the TV screen. As if I didn't even exist.

_Then don't watch it…_ was my thought, as I sat down in a foldable chair next to her.

Side by side, we watched TV. Nothing else to do. Nothing else we _could_ do.

So we sat there silently and watched TV. New Year celebration programs, as per usual, a useless array of comedians and oddities. And ever so often, the M.C.'s annoying piercing laughter would resound dryly in this white quiet lounge.

"Say… tell me…" the girl started talking to me. But her eyes were always glued to the TV screen. "How many times is it for you now?"

I blinked. "What do you mean by that?"

"How many times have you come here… to this floor? 8F?"

She has lost me in space. "I'm sorry. I have no clue what you are talking about."

"I see... So this is your first time then."

So she'd seen my confusion about her question and came to the right conclusion.

"Then since no one else is around. And since it is my duty…"

"Duty?"

"There's this rule…" nodding slightly, she explained the rules which was that someone here 8F should tell new comers the truth.

I knew nothing. Much less understanding or comprehending her words.

And as if I did not even exist, slowly, she started her speech.

"Then listen closely." Her words spoken methodically. One by one. They were a little different from all the ones I've heard from the doctors about this place.

In their businesslike, crisps syntaxes, they'd told me: this is a place where one waits for medical advances. This is a place where one heals one's heart and perhaps, they might have been correct in a general sense.

But according to the blue haired in blue PJs girl, that was just a party line.

The truth was that this 8F was the only place in the hospital where medical treatments never take place.

It's just a place…..

….where you waited for your life to come to an end.

Those were her words to me.

I'd thought so as well. I'd felt it even before she'd spoken.

"See. This is my second time."

"Second time doing what?" I raised.

"…coming here." And then she explained to me…

Nobody on 8F stayed here from the initial hospitalization all the way until death. While there was zero possibility of being cured, you were sent home if your condition was stable. But if it worsened again, you would be returned here.

That cycle ended only in death.

Where it was at home or here at 8F, always one of two, you are going to die. No way to escape from it. It seemed that no one has broken this "tradition" ever.

And with that meaning permeating her every word, she informed he that this was her second time up here.

"I'm going to say this once. So listen closely now." She continued speaking, all while staring at the TV screen.

This wasn't idle chit chat about when lights-out was or where the kitchen or anything is like that.

This was something completely different.

"The third time you are discharged from here. Resign yourself. There will not be a fourth time. You will never go home again. If you ever want to escape, head towards the B station. Not A station. Eat nothing. It's the simplest shortcut. Not to mention, you leave the smallest burden on your family that way."

The way she spoke. It's like she couldn't be more experience in such stuff. This was properly an oral tradition. Relevant only to those who are going to die and kept by those who came here for that purpose…

"So this is the duty you were talking about?"

"Yes." a curt reply. "So do remember to perform it for a new comer like yourself today. Alright?"

With those words, she slowly stood up, casually tossing her silky tresses as it grazed my nose.

"I've to go get my temperature measured. So…" then she turned her back and started walking down the corridor.

Now the completely deserted lounge holds only the laughter from the TV and my long and deep breaths as I lost in my thoughts for a long long time.

In the end, she didn't even look at me once. I chuckled to myself. _What an interesting girl._

-----

A few days later…

New Year celebrations were over and the school terms are starting.

And just as ever, she and I sat in this lounge, staring blankly at the flat screen.

"This is boring."

A grunt was a reply before she added, "yes. It is."

Our dialogue continued. As our eyes were kept onto the screen.

"Is this place always this way?"

"… I don't understand what you're getting at."

"I mean by how deserted it has been since the day I got here. Is it always like that?"

Other than the regular doctors and nurses and other than her, I have never seen anyone else up here.

"Did everyone go home for the new years or something?"

A long silence before "Do you really want to know?"

"Ah... well... I didn't mean…"

"…then I won't tell you." Her deadpanned reply came so swiftly cutting me off from any more questions.

We disinterestedly tossed back and forth this exchange that could not even be called a conversation.

A slight breeze coming from the window that could not be open more than 15cm

From time to time, her hair would sway with the wind, as if in agreement with the flowers at the window sill.

This is how we kill time each day, staring at the boring good for nothing TV.

Footsteps were heard and the familiar voice of Yako-san was heard. "Oh. Here are the two of you." She is the head nurse of 8F that has been taking care of our daily needs.

She is a nice lady. A stern look always come with her wrinkled face. I offered a small smile and a curt bow.

"Well? Miss Natsuki, any fever?"

Her usual grunt. "I'm fine. No fever."

Natsuki

Natsuki

Natsuki. So that's her name.

"You really shouldn't be moving around like this"

"………"

"Do you understand? Everyone's worried about you."

"Well it doesn't matter anyways..." a monotonous reply.

"Come now Miss Natsuki. What kind of answer is that? Oh children these days…" the nurse continued to scold for some while longer.

And this girl. This raven haired, not very short girl, whom always wore her same blue pajamas called Natsuki. Just pretended not to notice it at all.

She simply stared straight at that boring TV, paying the fussy nurse as little attention as she could.

"I'll be coming back later to draw some blood ok?"

With those words, the head nurse went back to the nurse station, in front of the lift at 8F.

"You know…well would you mind if I called you Natsuki?" I asked this as I stared at her white vinyl ID bracelet and the blood type and her name that has been written on it.

No reply came and I continued, "Is something the matter? Natsuki? Or Natsuki-Chan?"

"…Why are you calling me that?"

I was dumbfounded at her reply.

"You're younger than me." She growled slightly.

I found that quite amusing as I let out a soft chuckle. "How would you know if I was younger than you?"

"Nothing. It's just a thought. That's all."

It's not like I was offended that she called me "younger" than her. It was just that no matter how I looked at it I thought she was at least 5 years younger than me.

That's why I took out my driver's license from one of my pocket and handed it directly to her.

"I may not seem like it but I'm 20 this year."

"…. So you are younger than me after all."

She only took a quick glance at my license before handing it back to me.

"Ara. Really? Then how old is Natsuki-Chan?"

"It doesn't matter.. I'm just a little older than you. That's all. And Natsuki is good. No –Chan allowed." She murmured as expressionlessly as ever.

Her eyes were fixed to the boring TV as usual. But it felt like she was grazing at something far away.

* * *

After they have taken my AM vital signs, I snuck past the nurses and boarded the elevator.

When I got to the first floor, I walked out the outpatient clinic doors and walked outside of the hospital.

My goal was the place that I've been told about not too long ago. The faraway B station not the A station..

It wasn't that I wanted to escape or anything. At 8F or at home. None of us died anywhere else.

That was what I've been told.

And this B station, which this girl named Natsuki, had apparently been to so many times. Or I think so.

That's why at least just once, I wanted to see this place with my own eyes.

So early in the morning, I headed towards that station.

"Ara... Why isn't there a guard on duty?"

My legs settled into a lazy gait as I glanced sidelong at the people commuting to school or work.

After about half hour or so, I arrived in front of the station.

Roughly 5 bus stops away when I calculated it out.

"Wow... there sure are a lot of people." came my first impressions of B station.

I stood out a little because of my light lilac pajamas.

But I felt like you could just buy a subway ticket and will be able to go anywhere. No questions about it. Although, I still had no idea why I've been told to go to B station and not A station.

But it looked as if it would be easy to escape if I really wanted to.

She must have come here many times herself. So why did she still remain on 8F now?

-----

That station in the morning…

I stood there thinking these thoughts as I watched people go by.

-----

That night. After lights-out

Bored of reading those novels Father got for me and unable to sleep, I wondered though the hospital alone. Certainly, it wasn't supposed to be allowed after lights-out but we, occupants of 8F had a peculiar kind of liberty.

So in the presence of no light, in pitch black stillness of the lounge, it was there where I found her.

"Hey. Have you been looking outside today?"

A grunt. "yeah."

The darken interior, she answered me. But she continued to stare out the window as if she hadn't. Her cold exterior matched the cold wind from the opened window.

I immediately launched into what had happened today.

"Oh, by the way. I went to B station today. Just like Natsuki taught me."

"I see."

But her response did not change.

I'd thought she would react to something because she might have been there before.

But now that I thought about it, did the fact that she was here means that she had no intention from escaping in the first place.

"I'll be going home soon."

"Ara! when?" I asked, sounding a little cheery.

She opened her mouth abruptly and spoke as if she seen right though me.

"But the next time would be the third time." A short pause. "So we might not see each other again."

"Oh…" The reality returned. I have forgotten that we were special patients. "seems like it.."

Probably what she was talk about, was a temporary discharge from the hospital.

She'd told me that nobody from 8F was discharged from hospital more than 3 times.

Unlike the elderly, given the progress of out diseases, this meant all the more to the young people like us.

Her "_we might not see each other again_" was filled with that kind of harsh meaning.

"Oh, which have you decide on?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Where are you going to die? Here or at home?"

I was in total loss for a moment. I hadn't really given much thought about it.

"Ara… I don't know."

"I see. This is, after all, your first time." She murmured, looking so desolate.

Certainly it wasn't as if I was going to exist here forever. Just like everyone else, I would be admitted and discharged, slowly growing weak and someday….

I would have to choose in the end. Here at 8F or at home surrounded with fake smiles.

"I…. don't want to die at home." She said "but I don't want to die here as well" she added.

"Then what will Natsuki do?"

"…… I guess... the only thing….is to go somewhere else ….while I still have the strength to…"

"Somewhere? It can't be that…"

This girl, who was staying here at 8F when she could escape anytime she wanted.

When I thought of that… "Do you have any other place to go?"

A long silence before she answered "Do you… want to stop me?"

"Wha..."

"Or do you want to come with me?"

"Well no. That wasn't what I was thinking about."

"…then. Don't ask."

She was staring out at the window as she spoke. Dispassionate, not looking at me once. The same as ever.

But then and just then.

Her usual expressionless face looked so very sad to me.

I, a new comer to 8F, just recently taught that the third discharge would be the last.

And she was a girl who soon was to be discharged for the second time.

I still did not feel anything read about what was happening to me.

But would I too. Come to wear such a face someday?

The rain at morning twilight.

Sometimes sleet. Sometimes snow. Always coming down.

And I was sitting there watching TV in my usual place. It felt as devoid of people as it always had.

"…anything interesting?" her low grunt came.

"No. completely boring."

She walked to my side. Saying no more, she sat down on the chair next to mine. And that's was how we began watching TV on this very day as well.

Nothing else to do. Nothing we could do. As usual.

"Ah…" a gasp from her.

I had never seen her respond to the TV before.

"Is something the matter?"

"No… not really." Her usual words. But her response was anything but usual.

And I looked at the screen interested in anything that could move her so.

There were nature scenes being displayed on TV. Beautiful hills and dales burgeoning with trees and flowers.

And a vast spread of white flowers in the midst.

I remember those flowers from somewhere.

They looked very similar to those white flowers that were decorated in the windowsills.

"Could those be the same flowers?"

"……"

"You know, the same ones with those over there." I pointed to the flowers by the window as I said this.

A disapproving grunt and a short "no"

"Really? Ara ara…"

"They are of the same variety. But they are not strictly the same." She glanced at the flowers by the window for a second and then went back to gazing at the TV.

She'd told me that they were different but I couldn't see the distinction between the two.

And it meant nothing to me, whether the flowers were the same or not.

But what did mean something was that this girl, who usually never said a word more than she needed to.

She was conversing in a rare form today, which was why I decided to follow along.

"Does Natsuki happen to know a lot about them? Flowers I mean."

"No. Not really."

"Really? But I don't see the difference."

Flowers on the screen and flowers in the vase to her side.

I continued as I stared vacantly at those two. "Are those orchids or lilies?"

"…"

"They are pure white right, are they not?"

"…"

I had no interest yet I kept trying to make conversation.

But… she resume her silence soon enough. And with her usual lack of expression, she continued staring at the boring TV screen.

And just when I turned back to the TV resigned to the fact that I'd get nothing more out of her.

"…Narcissus."

"What?"

"Those are Narcissus." As she answered, she turned to face me for the first time.

Her hip length hair swaying as she pointed to the TV screen and looked at me.

The ID bracelet on her wrist was white. Her skin was white. Just like those flowers onscreen.

And I swore I could see a tiny smile…on that face that was looking at me for the first time.

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**i swear i'm changing the plot somewhat... lol.. but this chapter is almost the same... next chapter would have some changes... so forgive me and enjoy...**

**flames and reviews are most welcome...**


	4. Narcissus 3

**Author's note: So here is the next chapter.. slowly, the characters are moving away from the original fic (YAY!) but so Natsuki and Shizuru seemed very OOC. lol**

**anyways, complain, comments and reviews anyone?**

* * *

A few days later, plunging further into the depths of winter.

During this time that the rest of the world called "exam period", we were sitting watching TV, the same as ever.

"This is boring." I said

"…so it is."

This exchange that could not even be called a conversation. We'd spend all our days in this fashion, killing time without meaning or purpose.

"Speaking of which, when is it for you?"

"…today" she replied.

"I see. So it's today."

That word. That "today" was the temporary discharge that she alluded to earlier.

"So we may not see each other again." She added quietly.

"Hmm? Yeah. I guess that's true."

Because, even if she were to readmit back to 8F, that would be her last time.

And in that time, I'd probably be discharged and readmitted myself.

It didn't seem likely that things could be timed so that we could see each other again.

"…have you decided yet?"

"About where I'm going to die?" I guessed her question.

"Yes."

"No. I haven't decided yet."

"I see."

She nodded somewhat sadly. The expression of someone being discharged for the second time.

I still felt nothing about the situation and had not heard from that the doctors' talk about my first discharge. _Come to think of it_. I wondered if she finally decided what her own answer to the dilemma would be.

Footsteps were heard and a soft voice came from behind. "Natsuki. Everything is set. We can go now."

A lady, an almost splitting image of Natsuki except for the red glasses, came towards us. This was probably her mother. She nodded slightly at me and I rose slightly to give a short bow.

"We can leave now. Are you all ready?"

"Yeah."

The mother turned towards me and smiled, "Have a nice day, Miss." And turned to leave this place.

She did stretch out her hand towards that girl who was likely her daughter.

But… the girl did not move at all. She just stood rooted into her chair, even as her mother had grabbed her hand.

"What's wrong Natsuki?"

"It hurts…. A little."

Panic rose in that lady's eyes. "Where? Where? Your chest Natsuki? Or your abdomen?"

"… My chest."

"Stay right there. I'll call the doctors right away."

And with that, the older version of Natsuki took off. In her visitors use slippers, into a sprint, towards the nurses station.

There were but two things left in this place. Both her and me. Both in the foldable white chairs.

I did not know a thing about her disease or its status.

The only things I knew were courtesy of her white ID bracelet. Her name Natsuki and her blood type was B.

But we were inhabitants of 8F. And she was a little older than me, even if it was just by a little.

"Hey do you want to lie down over there until the doctors come?" I pointed at the corner of the lounge at the couch, at something that I had never seen been used.

"It'll support your back after all."

A long pause before she answered, "it doesn't matter. I'm fine now."

Saying those words and nothing more, she stood up quickly.

"Hey! Wait!" I said out.

But she was already halfway down the corridor before I could add anymore to the sentence.

--

Night fall and after lights out

Bored of reading as usual, I wondered thorough the darkened hospital.

The usual lounge, now pitch-dark from the absence of light.

That was where I found her.

"Hey so you're still here."

"…yeah."

"So what's up? Not feeling well again?"

"No. not really." Was all she said as she stared out at the window

So her discharge had been postponed after all

No one knew when the next chance would come, but it would probably be weeks from now, not days.

"Hey…"I started. "Could it be…. what you feigned illness today?"

"…"

No that probably wasn't the right way to put it. See because, it is because you couldn't say that we weren't sick all the time.

"Well, I'm saying is… you didn't want to leave the hospital did you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Because there is no 'afterwards' for you now."

"…"

But there was no answer to my question in her silence.

She had asked me so many times before about where I wanted to die.

And it had always been that I didn't know yet and that she didn't want to die at home or here at 8F.

"So you… have no other place to go after all."

"…and…what of it?"

"No. nothing"

This familiar lounge, flooded in darkness. Her familiar stance, looking out the window so much as acknowledging my existence.

This place we called a hospital and its extinguished lights, in spite of the face that it just past midnight.

…this was the tangent point between what was normal and what was not.

On top of it, we, inhabitance of 8F. bereft of any choice save: death at home or death here, in 8F

The outside world that she was staring at from the pitch black height of 8F. The normal world.

The buildings and homes were still radiant with light and the streets overflowed with people going home. And although my awareness of its was still vague.

I was already an inhabitant of 8F. Already an abnormal existence.

There was no longer any way for me to go back to that other world, was there now…?

* * *

Natsuki's POV

'…my time is at a standstill…'

I'd spent so many seasons, so many white overcast skies without the want or need to converse with anybody.

At first, I would look down at the healthy kids going to school and the people walking back and forth on the streets. And when I got tired of that, I always watched TV. Nothing else to do. Nothing else I could do.

Even when there was snow outside the window. It was always bright and sunny inside the TV screen.

A dream world, stretching out before my eyes with heat, without cold, without pain.

… I sought comfort from my imagination.

And so I amassed a huge knowledge base. Meaningless trivia upon meaningless trivia, over and over.

And before I knew it. Nothing that appeared on TV seemed real anymore.

And in quick succession, it also happened to: books, games, and then my family.

Finally, I was unable to view myself as anything real, as if I were staring at scenes of another person's life.

That's why I was not surprised even when they transferred me to 8F

If I but closed my eyes, the world would always vanish.

So I though I'll be fine. And I did as I thought.

And soon enough, my second discharge from hospital. By the time of my next admission, I'd probably be too weak to stand by myself.

I found myself, the one who couldn't do anything even though she knew this, to be pitiful.

… And I found myself… the one who had no destination… to be ridiculous…

"My time at a standstill, my heart at a standstill, my chest standing with huge scars… I'd live for 22 years now and I found myself utterly helpless…"

And she came along.

And brought something new into my life.

It was… interesting.

* * *

January 19, 2005. - 8F (Morning)

A few days after that, the overhanging clouds had cleared up and an endless endless winter sky was in their place.

Oddly enough, my father had came to visit. A difficult expression on his face the entire time. But he was saying something or other about my insurance.

And at that time his eyes were not unhappy at all. "I have to talk to the doctors for a bit."

Saying this, my father strode down the corridor.

Towards that dim conference room where this had all began or so it seemed.

My hospital room was now empty. Having nothing to do now, I reached for the weekly magazines that they had bought at the stands for me. And accompanying them, just as ever, there were fruits and drinks as well as get well gifts.

And to one side of the basket that the fruits were piled in, right in front of the melons that I so hated….

What I saw was… a set of car keys.

"…"

The keys shone silver.

These were the keys to my father's pride and joy. The coupe that he'd sweated over from the upholstery on outwards.

The coupe that I'd asked to borrow a long long time ago.

The coupe that I've been rejected from driving out with a simple and non hesitant "no."

And my still unused driver's license in the breast pocket of my pajamas.

Even after it had lost its chance for use that day, it remained with me, waiting faithfully, as if that were its proof of life.

*Ka-click*

In the silence, I grabbed the keys. It happened as if on impulse. I had no idea what my motives were either.

I just seized them without having a second thought. As if I were looking at a scene on TV...

And the few days' worth of meds that I'd been dispenses, I stuffed those into a bag and I headed down the corridor.

… I snuck past the nurses' station… and quickly strode towards the elevators. A bag in my right hand, the keys in my left. The long neglected driver's license in my bag.

In front of the lounge. And the next thing I saw was the lone girl, there at her usual spot, watching TV as per usual.

Staring blankly and bored at that screen sitting on a little foldable chair.

"Hey… that show... any good?"

"…Does it look that way to you?"

"No. not at all."

The all too expected exchange. Her eyes looked as faraway as they always had.

"Well then…" I said "…shall we go together?"

"wha…?"

I continued talking as I showed her the keys I had in my hand. "See… I don't want it to be at home… and I … don't want it to be on 8F as well. Well then…shall we go together?"

"…okay." With that, she stood up from her chair. Her hair swayed with her, and grazed the tip of my nose.

And then she too, stuffed a few days worth of meds in a bag.

And we made to leave 8F together.

I switched off the boring TV. The grating laughter of the MC was forever obliterated.

Both of us in pajamas clad boarded the elevator heading down from this top floor down to 1F.

At 1F, we headed not the E.R entrance but for the outpatient clinics entrance.

--

The cold winter air struck away at our faces. All the more strong in a wide open space like the parking lot

The two of us wondered around the spacious field looking about ourselves with ease. And after a little while, we came across my father's car.

The silver coupe. My father's pride and joy, impeccably maintained. I immediately inserted the key and opened the door. "Go ahead, get in."

"Very well."

With a soft sigh, I sank into the driver's seat. She was in the passenger's seat but she was so short that she'd had a hard time seeing the road. I turned the key into the ignition and stepped on the accelerator lightly.

Just as I'd learned during training.

The car came to life with its soft humming and vibrations. The reassuring engine noises filtered into the cabin.

I released the handbrake and then applied the clutch.

…now we could go anywhere. That was our plan.

"Ara… Let's go!"

A grunt from her and she replied. "Yeah." With a slight nod.

Instead of replying I started moving the car out of the slot.

And the car accelerated smoothly.

Unused to the clutch and swerving slightly, I advanced slowly

"…you're swerving."'

"Yes. It's my first time in a car… well it's the first time since I got my license that I drove a car."

"I see."

The exit to the parking lot was now in view. And the largish road beyond it, without traffic lights.

I turned onto it.

The sounds of honking car horns were heard. I'm pretty sure there were directed to me as I cut into the road.

The silver coupe complained but did not stop as I worked the unfamiliar clutch, the shift gearbox.

I must really have rubbed the other drivers the wrong way as the honking of horns did not seem likely to cease. But I continued to drive without caring much. None of it seemed real after all.

"Natsuki…."

"…what?" her reply.

"…Is Natsuki scared?"

"…. Do you… want me to be?"

"No. not really…"

Still before noon. The high flying sun. The skies of January, above and beyond the windshield. Skies so blue that they seemed almost in mourning.

… We had no destination. On that cold day with an alien car and swerving car. On that day when we drove onto the highway in our pajamas.

… On that very day of winter.

* * *

19 January 2005 (Evening)

Around when the blazing high sun had changed into a dusky orange. We were continuing to drive. Just driving in any direction at random. And in a place that I didn't recognize.

"…we are stopping for a bit, Natsuki."

"…okay."

I finally brought the car to a halt. A roadside somewhere, far away from civilization. No traffic anywhere to be seen. Lonely.

Having stopped the car in this nameless place, I started inspecting around the cabin. We had just ran off without any preparation at all, but there was something troubling leaping out at me. With that on my mind, I first scoured the dashboard.

"… There is nothing here at all." A couple hundred yen, cluttered around the gearstick. A few manga volumes and a cheap disposable camera. It wasn't as if we had a destination. But the onboard GPS navigation system looked broken. And I had only about 8,000 yen with me. That was all the money I had lying around when I got up and left. So combined with the pocket change I'd found, I only had 9,000 yen or so. Of course, I hadn't really expected that there would be anything in the car anyways. But this lack of money presented a problem; it wouldn't be possible for us to find lodging on this budget. And it didn't seem likely that Natsuki would have any money on her either.

"…is something the matter?"

"No. nothing." Eh… whatever. I'd half expected this from the beginning.

It wasn't as if I I'd thought this through enough to have things like a plan or schedule. I just wanted to get out, right then and there. I did not want to stay where I was. Underneath the curtain of twilight, I started up the silver coupe again.

"Hey… are you hungry?" I asked as I drove along. Come to think of it, she hadn't eaten anything since this morning. "want to stop at a convenience store or something?"

"…no."

"Hey hey. Don't be like that. And the food is much better than anything in 8F."

She did not respond to me. Instead she looked straight down at her blue pajamas that she was wearing.

I finally remembered. "Oh yea. We are still in these." I looked down at my own clothing. Sure enough, in these pajamas, we would look conspicuous no matter where we went. Not that we weren't prominent right now. In any case, we'd have to do something about them. Having made my decision, I steered back towards civilization. After a while more of driving, we arrived in a place whom name I didn't know. Probably somewhere close to a rail station. Certainly enough people around for it to be the case.

"There's got to be one around here somewhere."

I looked around anxiously as I drove. My back pitched a little forward, not touching the seat.

"Ah! There's one."

At last, a coin Laundromat. It looked pretty run down from outside on the first floor of a small forlorn building. Thus was as good a place as any. I stopped the car not too far from the entrance to this place.

"All right, I'll be back in a second." Leaving her and her confused face in the car, I walked into the Laundromat. My nose was immediately greeted with smell of bleach and detergent as I walked into the doors. The exterior of the Laundromat had told me no lie… the washers and dryers were old and run down as well.

"There's nobody here as well." I said to myself softly. The empty Laundromat swallowed my whole murmured words. Only a single dryer was in operation, making its characteristic humming noise. I immediately walked to that machine and checked its timer. I looked like it would operate for 30minutes on 200 yen and only 5 minutes has elapsed so far. Whoever it was had probably gone elsewhere to kill some time. Ruminating over this, I looked around just one more time to reassure myself that no one was around. Then satisfied that I was all alone, I put my hand onto the door handle of that drying machine. And I abruptly opened it. The door opened during operation, the dryer spun down to a forced halt.

I pulled out a clump of half drying clothing, ignoring the heat and humidity. After looking around once more to make sure no one was around, quickly I walked out of the Laundromat just like that.

"Oh…" she sounded slightly surprised when she saw my arms full of clothing. But I threw the clothes in the back seat without a word.

"…"

I looked back at the bundle of clothes with the steering wheel in one hand. Gaudy looking sweaters and jeans and almost nothing else. Well it was still winter. And all in pretty big sizes.

A; still wet, but the car's heating would soon dry them out.

"Change into whatever you like later."

She didn't react much to those words either. Just looked back at the pile of clothes.

"Look, we had no choice."

"… I know." Her usual dull voice.

Well obviously, it wasn't as if she liked doing this kind of thing. And it wasn't as if there was anything I was saving that money for… it was just that given the amount we had, it would be very difficult to buy new clothes.

After I'd driven for a bit, around when the moon shone full above us, I stopped the car next to some public park. Probably a place for children to play, tucked away in a corner of some residential area.

And there, I started looking through the clothes I'd stolen some time back. They were mostly dry by now, thanks to the heating of the car. "All men's clothing after all." I said as I inspected the heap once before: a veritable mountain of gaudy jeans and sweaters. Probably someone around my age, around the same size. And sitting in the driver's seat of the car, I changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater.

"He-hey!" she cried out in her seat.

"Yes?" quizzically I looked over and zipped up the jeans.

"Nothing." She turned away from me. _I bet she's blushing. But she didn't seem like the type. _

"Natsuki should get changed too. It's much warmer than in those pajamas."

"… They are all too big."

"Then will you go on wearing pajamas forever?"

"… Fine." She answered reluctantly and grabbed some jeans and other clothes. "Don't look." She let out in a growl which made me chuckle. Obediently, I turned my head to look out at my side of the window.

"Done."

I turned back with a smile on my face. "That was fast."

She grunt and started folding the cuffs of the jeans which were obviously too big for her. And soon after she started on the sleeves of the shirt in the same manner.

"… The pajamas were better."

I smiled sadly, "come on now. These clothes are much warmer this way."

She made a slightly dissatisfied face at my words.

"Oh, is that it? Were you hoping for more girlish clothes?"

Her usual grunt and she looked out the window. "No… just something more fitting."

I'm pretty sure she was unhappy with her baggy shirt but soon she returned back to her usual lack of expression.

It began to rain all of a sudden. A freezing rain falling from the frigid January sky as if it had forgotten how to stop. The countless raindrops spattering on the windshield and obscuring the view from the inside. And when each grew too large for surface tension to hold up, a few of them gathered, slid down and became rivers. And these rivers swallowed up raindrops underneath them and ran to the bottom.

I stared at the rain from the inside. A parking lot somewhere. A desolated place in the middle of the mountains. Having finished shopping at a convenience store, we were spending the night here.

The dinner menu: 2 rice balls each. A 500ml pocari sweat each. A bag of potato chips that is to be shared. And a small bottle of mayonnaise for her.

I could only stare in amazement at how one would eat mayo with rice balls. But I kept my silence and smile at how her face lit up in the store when she saw mayo.

"You must really love to eat mayonnaise." I said.

She just gave a short nod and continued spreading the fatty substance over the rice.

I'll let her be. "It's been a long time since we last had anything like this."

"…yeah." She murmured as she finished up her last bit.

It wasn't anything of wonderful quality but it was far better than anything served up in 8F. And when we were both going for the bag of chips, she suddenly stopped reaching for it.

"… Is something the matter?"

"No. not really."

But her eyes were turned past the windshield glazed by the rain. A few white flowers on the roadside. At some flowers soaked by rain. I didn't know if someone had planted them or if they were wild but I remembered something about them.

"Are those Narci… Narcissus?"

"Yes. Narcissus."

While I didn't know flowers names all that well, I'd at least heard of narcissus before. And this girl, who seldom spoke a single word, was actually talking about something. And so I decided to follow along.

"And speaking of which, are these… not exactly the real deal as well?"

"… yeah... something like that."

"Ara... so they must be pretty rare then."

"Not really... you can find them anywhere."

"Really? Anywhere? And where exactly?"

It wasn't as if I had any deep purpose in asking. It was just that I was making conversation as best as I could.

And yet this girl I thought about it for a while… and slowly she opened her mouth.

"…west"

"West?"

"Yes. West…. At Awaji Island."

"Awaji Island…. How far away is it?" I just started driving a car so I wasn't even halfway proficient yet. It was probably about 700km away and even on toll ways, I couldn't say how long it would take.

And in the first place, I didn't think we had enough money for that. If we went by normal highways instead of toll ways, there was no way we would have enough gas for the journey.

"… Who said I wanted to go?"

"Wha…?"

"I only answered your question."

And just like that, she went back to staring at the flowers across the windshield. The thick haze of cold rain streaming on glass. She kept gazing and gazing and gazing…

I didn't particularly want to go there either. But I had nowhere else I want to go.

* * *

**I hope this chapter is up to standard...**


	5. Narcissus 4

**Hello one and all. **

**Thank you for supporting my stories! (Facebook and Prostitute and this, Narcissus)  
i only have to say this, due to my really crazy schedule, posting will be slowed. So... GOMEN! but all will be updated i promise!**

**Meanwhile, enjoy this new chapter. **

**Disclaimers are the usual.. This story aint mine... The characters aint mine...**

* * *

Natsuki's POV

"… My time was at a standstill…"

I piled useless trivia upon useless trivia, drew information from the TV and the TV alone. And soon nothing was real anymore. All fading away into hollow space.

"But… I love looking at maps…" trains cars, especially motorcycles. I loved things that could take me to places.

And bikes are special. They are fast and dangerous and I love the feeling of wind in my face.

A hobby of mine… spreading maps on top of my narrow bed… changed routes over and over and over.

Yamahas, Suzukis, Hondas, Ducatis…

Imagination rode me on so many different kinds of bikes.

The #1 route, continuing on forever, I ran on that road forever and ever and ever.

Indigo blue skies, beautiful coastlines. I ran until I came at last to these places that sketched my dreams. Slowly tracing past the arc of the cape, running on the white sand of a beach, the sun on my back.

If I close my eyes, I could go anywhere.

Towards landscaped that I had never seen with my own eyes. Longing for the soil which I could never hope to tread.

"My useless stockpile of trivia was the only thing that increased."

"…all emptiness"

"… all the colors of yearning…"

* * *

January 21 2005

The sky after the rain. The high, high flying clouds streaming by at knife-edge speeds. The unique swishing sound of tire on wet asphalt. And through it all, there we were, driving along as always.

No destination. Just the desire to keep going, no matter what.

It wasn't as if I was looking to go Awaji Island at all. We didn't even have enough gas money to get there anyways. But I drove straight ahead on unfamiliar roads even as I thought these thoughts.

But where are we?

I was forced to wonder. I didn't know my geography very well to begin with. And I was seeing all sorts of places names I didn't recognize.

I had planned on driving unto the ends of the earth, but with the GPS navigation system broken, I had no idea anymore.

And before I knew it, I started looking around anxiously at street signs as I drove.

"Ara. I don't know at all."

"…what?" she grunt out as her eyes were still fixed at the side windows.

"Well, Natsuki. I don't know where we are right now." I said in a dejected voice. She said something to me and I just gave her a casual response. Because she probably wasn't going to know even if I asked her…

"Iruma District… Saitama Prefecture."

"Ara!" a pleasant surprise gasp came out from me.

"Next right exit goes to the #16 Route towards Hachiouji."

I blinked "… Natsuki knew all these?"

She didn't answer me and I asked again, "did Natsuki happen to live around here?"

"No. nothing like that."

It was a surprise. No. it wasn't just surprising. It was nothing short of a miracle that she knew the roads to such details.

Because no matter now I looked at it, she didn't seem to have driven around all that much herself.

"Then could it be… you know the way to Awaji Island from here?"

"… I don't understand why you are asking,"

"Well Natsuki, we might be able to get there on normal highways without having to get onto the toll ways. And we might just have enough gas money to get us there."

"… Do you… want to go there?"

"Well… I didn't mean like that bu-"

"Then don't ask me." That successfully shut my mouth up.

With those words, she fell silent and went back to her busy job of staring out the window.

With that frosty demeanor of hers just like that frosted up window…

But she wasn't looking at the passing scenery it seems. It felt more like she was staring at something in an unreachable distance.

… And her… "Then don't ask me…"

_Just what was that suppose to mean?_

How would she have replied if I had told her I was planning to go?

We simply continued on… with no purpose… with no aim in mind.

It wasn't as if we had a plan or schedule from the get-go. We just didn't want to die on 8F or at our oh-so-fake homes.

But I... and maybe I alone… must have wanted something to show us the way. No matter what that way might be.

* * *

January 22 2005.

"It's cold."

"… So it is."

Some beach whose name I didn't know. We reached the sea before we know it.

I'd been planning to head west. But it seems somehow I managed to get us up in the south.

The pitch black sky and a cold windy waterfront.

We both got out of the car and stared at the darkened sea. She stood apart from me as usual and stared into the distance, where the black sky and the ocean melted into the horizon's edge.

And after seemingly taking the view of the ocean for a while…she slowly started walking towards the beach.

"Hey... what do you think will happen?"

"Ara. Natsuki. I got no idea what Natsuki is talking about."

"… Do you think I would be able to die at peace… if I just walked out into the sea?"

Those were her words as she slowly walked into the sands, her back turned to me.

The third time was the end… there would never be a forth time.

The choice was between dying at 8F and dying at home. Apparently no one had escaped this choice.

Those were the words she told me herself. Those were the words she told me herself.

And yet. On her second around, she told me she didn't want to die on 8F or at home.

This was after she explained the rules to me. After her duty to me was over.

That's why I felt that this is what she meant.

"I don't know. I've never drowned before."

"Then… if… I walked into the sea right now… will you stop me?" she turned her head to look at me as she said this. With the moon rising in the dark heavens as her backdrop.

And her gaze, which had always been so far away, was directed straight at me.

"I don't know. I've to see when the time comes."

"I guess so." She then turned her back towards me and slowly started walking towards the sea once more.

"Hey! Tell me Natsuki."

"What?"

"… Would you want to be stopped?"

Upon hearing my words, she stopped short of the waves. A strong wind kicked a spray that beat against her feet.

"If Natsuki wants to be stopped, then I will stop you."

"Not really. That's not it at all."

"Then its fine if I don't stop Natsuki right?"

There was no reply to my question. But her feet did not move any further either.

And so… that was her answer then and there.

-----------

The high high heavens of winter.

Blue and clear to the point of mourning. Strong north winds beating against electric wires overhead.

The silver coupe, reflecting the sky on its shiny frame.

With me at its wheel and with Natsuki in the passenger seat as per usual.

I didn't know where this was.

Bit the real problem was that we were going to run out of gas soon...

We didn't have that much money to begin with and after various convenience store purchases we had even less.

Only about 7000 yen left.

Of course, I had no idea how many liters this car took, but we probably had enough money to fill the tank once.

We still didn't really have a destination or anything, but if we didn't fill up, we could go nowhere.

"I'm going to fill up on gas."

"… I see" her usual bored voice replied me.

And with that, I turned the steering wheel and drove into a gas station that was coming into view.

"Welcome! Would you be paying by credit card or cash madam?"

"Cash please." I flashed my smile.

The guy somehow got tensed and was blushing furiously. "Y-yes of course. Regular or premium?"

"Ara." I said. I don't know the difference of the two or which does this car take.

"Madam?" the attendant called me out of my internal debate.

"Ara Ara." Was all I could say as the attendant stood there, waiting for me.

And then, just as I was about to answer at random because I didn't care which one of the two it was…

"Regular. Full tank." She spoke from the passenger's seat.

"Huh? Oh okay… regular of course." Like a professional, he quickly moved around the car and reached for the pump.

The strangely disagreeable smell of gasoline wafted in from the window that I'd opened roughly 10cm.

"Ara Natsuki. Is Natsuki sure that this car takes regular?"

She didn't reply me and just causally pointed at the prices list.

… "Oh.", so that was it. It was cheaper this way.

I didn't understand it very well but I didn't think there was much difference in price. And then I saw the gasoline meter and the number of liters being displayed.

25… 26… 27… 28… the numbers were going by at incredible speed. Maybe I'd made a mistake. I began to get a little worried as I watched the numbers climb.

How much can this car take? Looking back down, I stared at the crumpled notes in my hand and let out a sigh. Even with the coins, I only had around 7000 yen.

_What was I going to do if I didn't have enough money?_

I did some quick calculations and realized after 60 liters, I would not have enough.

40… 41… 42…

The numbers kept climbing without any intention of slowing down.

_Stop stop stop... please stop!_

Maybe if I keep repeating it in my mind, somehow the meter will slow or stop.

"Stop please!" I'd let the words out of my mouth before I knew it.

Natsuki, who was sitting there watching the hardworking attendant working on the windscreen, let out a grunt and sat back. "Don't worry. It will be over soon."

"Ara. What did Natsuki say?"

"This car takes 50 liters tank."

And just as she spoke those words, the meter stopped at 48.

The sound of the receipt being printed out and my heart stopped pounding loudly in my ears.

Very soon, the diligent attendant came to my window and handed me the receipt. "Thank you for waiting. The total is 5500 yen."

"Here you go…" I handed him the crumpled notes as I eyed his badge on his smart uniform… "Yuuki-san" I smiled again.

"H-hai! Here's your change!" _What happened to his voice? Was it that high pitched before? _Iwas thinking to myself as Yuuki-san pushed the coins into my hand hastily.

"Thank you." I said as I turned to put the change back into the car compartment.

"Thank you fo-"Immediately, a loud bang was heard as Yuuki-san's head came into contact with the car door.

"Ara. What happened? Are you alright Yuuki-san?" I called out worriedly and moved my head out of the window to check if the car is fine and if his head had split.

"Yes yes. I'm sorry about that. Let me clean that up for you." Out of nowhere, an orange colored towel appeared and he was wiping and apologizing at the same time. "I apologized for that, Madam!" he said as he was going to bow down in apology to me again.

"Ara!" I cried out. He stopped bowing down and I could only stifle my laughter. The look on his face was somehow hilarious to me at that point in time. And he was about to hit his head against the car door again. "That is fine." I offered a pained smile as I could only imagine how painful that would feel like. "Please get yourself checked in case of any injuries."

He just stood there nodding and I released the handbrake. And as I turned straight onto the road, I could hear his cheerful voice calling out to our car. "Thank you for coming. We hope to see you soon."

---

"Ara. That is going to leave a huge bruise on that attendant's forehead isn't it, Natsuki?"

"Yeah." she replied in an uninterested tone as the trees zooming past our car seem to have interest her more. But she added a short snort for the fun of it.

"I wondered what happened that made him react like that."

A disapproving grunt came from her and I raised an eyebrow.

"What is it Natsuki?"

"Nothing."

Silence resumed as the silver coupe was in motion once again.

On the bright side, I was no longer worried about running out of gas. And on the not so bright side, we only had less than 2000 yen left.

This worried me, but there was something that preoccupied me more.

"Hey Natsuki. I got a question…"

She didn't move from her position as I continued, "Is Natsuki an expert on cars?"

"No… not really."

"What does Natsuki mean 'not really'? Natsuki knew that this car took 50 liters of gas right?"

Of course, it may well have been that this kind of thing was absolutely common knowledge that I just didn't have. But she had proven that she was an expert on these roads not so long ago.

Having been caught by surprise twice now, I took out the vehicle specification from the glove compartment.

"And of course you know the make and model of this car as well don't you Natsuki-chan?" I asked playfully.

She growled at me calling her Natsuki-chan and asked "… is that a question?"

"Natsuki-chan can think of it as a little pop quiz if she likes."

She took a deep breath and let out the information "This is a 1999 Toyota Corolla. 1.7 cc 1.8 liters 4 in-line front transverse engine with 79 mm bore, 91.5 mm stroke, 10 compression ratio, light alloy block, light alloy head, double overhead cam and four valves per cylinder."

My eyes widened as I was very tempted to stare at her instead of the road as she continued to let out the information like it was as simple as 1 + 1.

"Fuel economy EPA highway (l/100km) is 6.2. Multi-point injection fuel system. Uses a 50 liter fuel tank. Gross weight of the vehicle is 1,594 kg. It is cargo area light. Its cargo capacity: rear seat up; to lower window is 343 liters… do you want me to go on?"

"Ara." I breathe out. Natsuki is so amazing!" I couldn't believe my ears. Her rant about the car's specification sounded right to me. But I'm no car expert. And I don't now if those were right… but, _why would one memories about these things?_

A smirk was creeping on her face and she leaned back into her seat.

"Ara Ara. Natsuki-chan sure knows a lot about cars. That was surprising."

A grunt came and her stoic face was back on. "Don't call me that."

"That? You mean Natsuki-chan?" and she nodded. "Ara. I apologize then. I should have called you Natsuki-onesama then. I apologize Natsuki O-ne-sa-ma." I teased.

I'm sure she was feeling embarrassed, shy, angry, irritated and maybe somewhat bewildered. Her face let out those emotions all at once. "Natsuki Onesama doesn't like it?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Well how abou-"

"Just Natsuki is fine." She huffed out crossing her arms while glaring at me.

"Hai hai. Natsuki…" I giggled as the car took a left turn and we were passed by another convenience store. "Let's stop there and get some dinner alright?"

She didn't reply me as the car slotted perfectly into an empty lot and we both got down.

_Today was a special day. I am surprise she could have so many expressions. I have known her for so many days, this is the first time we communicated more than 10 sentences in a row. She is opening up to me I guess._

_Ara._

-----------

"Ara Natsuki... just why do you now so much about everything?"

"Its nothing… it's just that I'm older than you." And with that bare response, she went back to eating her rice ball with mayo as I munched on the curry flavored potato chips.

With her staring out of the window again, I didn't find myself able to throw anymore questions at her.

"Older."

It really didn't look that way at all. But this was something she'd said before.

Her name was Natsuki. Her blood type was B. those were written on her white ID bracelet.

There was very little indication to show that she was older than me at all.

-------------

Right around when the sun was starting to set, the silver coupe, speeding along a quiet road.

With no destination. With no place to go… just running forward.

No more worries about gasoline but no more money either.

Less than 1200 yen left. Enough for 3-4 more days of convenience store food.

"All right, so what does Natsuki want to do now?"

"I have no idea what you mean by that."

"I mean that we have no more money left."

"… and so?"

""Natsuki…." Her appearance, as unchanging as ever. And this conversation we were having as drove along the quiet highway was going nowhere. Finally, the fact that even if we were driving along like this, we were using up gasoline little by little. And maybe it night be better to just stay still without doing anything at all.

But it was impossible for me to stay still, without doing anything, without shooting for anything.

And I kept driving with those feelings at heart.

If we just kept driving on normal highways, we would run out of gas in about 3 to 4 days.

Likewise, we only had enough money for at most 4 days of food. We were obviously going to become too poor to do anything soon enough.

"Ara… Natsuki… do you want to try going to this Awaji Island?"

No reply… she just kept staring out the window as per usual.

"I think I might want to."

"…why?" she asked.

"Well…. 'Why?' Natsuki ask…." My voice died as I repeated the question in my head.

It wasn't as if we escaped from 8F with any goal or destination in mind.

Because… east or west… no matter where, anywhere was fine with me. But maybe that's why I wanted a goal and a destination. Anywhere… anything…. Was fine with me.

Around when the daylight had given over to the darkness of night, I had stopped the car in a parking lot of a pachinko parlor.

Obviously I wasn't planning on winning any money through pachinko or slots. I knew that there wasn't much I could do on just 1200 yen alone. But if I were skillful enough, I just might be about to swipe 10,000 or even 20,000 yen easily.

That was my guess, based on the many time I'd seen people at those parlors in the past. its not like I've been to these kind of places before. My parents wouldnt allow, but TV shows are based of reality, aren't they?

If only I had that much, we would be okay in the first place. And we might even be able to get to Awaji Island on that amount.

And so, I told her about the plan I had thought up. "How about it? Does Natsuki think I should try it out?"

"…no."

"Okay… very well."

I had braced myself to expect it, but she shot me down immediately. Well I hadn't hoped that she would cooperate with me in the first place.

And I had told her about my plan as a fait accompli not because I wanted her aid in it.

"All right, then wait here."

I got out of the car and strode into the pachinko parlor alone.

It was more crowded than I'd thought.

Lots of pachinko balls, lots of people. And more importantly, cashboxes crowded everywhere.

… _As good a place as any…_

And thinking this, I headed over to the slot machines. I inspected them from the corridor for a while. And after having finished my survey, I focused on one set of machine. Lots of middle aged salary men. Up to 4 boxes at their feet, and up to 2 on racks above them.

And an empty stand separating each of them. From what I've seen, these men had not come here with acquaintances or friends.

This satisfied the requirements… perhaps in a place like this, no one would notice if I swiped one of those cashboxes. And in a store like this, each box would probably held 20000 yen or so. And with just that much, I just kept waiting there for one the salary men to go the bathroom.

After a little while, after roughly 30 minutes had passed…

A salary man finally stood from his seat.

I tailed him for a bit, to make sure he was going to the bathroom, I dashed back to his set of machine and watching the people who were hitting the slots and at the attendants, I slowly approached that stand.

Then…

So as not to raise any suspicion as if it were the most natural thing in the world…

I swiped one of those cashboxes underfoot.

_**CRASH. CLINK CLINK CLINK…**_

That moment, coins scattered everywhere with a thunderous noise.

I had been meaning to pick it up. No… I really had picked it up with both of my hands. But they were unable to bear that weight and the cashbox crashed onto the floor.

Everyone turned into my direction to see what the commotion was about.

I got the feeling someone was shouting.

I got the feeling that someone was running towards me.

But that was all behind me. I had already started to bolt for the exit and back to the car.

However…

My foot…

Slipped and I fallen hard unto the dirty parlor ground.

I cursed loudly.

It was very unlady-like but who cares at that point of time. It was what I felt at the moment.

Some rough hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me off the ground. But I wasn't feeling anything. All I did was trying to blink out the blurriness in my eyes.

The coarse voice was yelling something into my ear but I paid no heed. I just stood there, thinking how deep I am in trouble.

The blur was still in my eyes when I looked up towards the exit. The silver coupe headlights was still on and waiting for me to get back.

And my wrist started to feel the pain on the vice-like grip.

My eyes managed to make out a black slim figure walking towards me.

"Let her go."

My ears perked up as that familiar voice was recognize instantly.

"What the hell are you saying? This bitch here was trying to steal from me!" such rude words are coming out from his mouth! I thought to myself. However I was the one in wrong. And that crude man was right.

"Let her go."

"No. I'm going to call the polic-"

And then crash… the pain from my wrist was gone immediately. Groans were heard from my back and I looked up at my savior.

Before anything left my mouth, my wrist was caught in another vice-like grip. But this time, it didn't hurt. Instead, the warmth of the hand spread around as if it was trying to soothe the pain.

"Go back and play your games." A growl and we left the place, unsuccessful.

_This is weird. We are leaving this parlor and no one is arresting or stopping us... I wonder what did she do to make them stop in their tracks and returned back to their games._

I sat back at my seat and she returned to hers. "Ara… thank you Natsuki."

A grunt came as her response.

I let out a huge sigh and glanced at Natsuki. My vision was nearly back. Maybe I hit my head too hard on the ground.

_Should I see a doctor?_

_No. we can't afford that. And besides, if I do that, we could be caught and sent back… to 8F._

I could see she was frowning. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

I let out a small laugh. "Is Natsuki worried about me?"

"No!"

"I see…" acting all dejectedly, I focused back on the road.

"Are you sure you are alright?"

"Other than a wounded pride and maybe a huge bruise on my forehead, I'm fine. Thank you for your concern." I could only offer a smiled filled with regret and pain. "Why did Natsuki come? I thought she was more comfortable in the car."

"I… just got… worried."

"Ara. May I ask what did Natsuki do to save me?"

"I just stood forward and glared at him. I didn't even do anything." Her eyes twinkled with some hint of laughter in it. "That fat ass just landed on his ass."

I could only chuckle as my head shook slightly, imagining the sight.

"Ara. Natsuki is my hero!" I proclaimed in a teasing tone. Her face turned from me and stared at the scenery outside. _She has to be blushing_, I thought to myself as I caught a tinge of redness on her ears.

Apart of our little conversation, I wanted to leave this place in a hurry. _What if someone suddenly came out and decided to stop us from leaving? _

I put the engine in ignition as the thoughts started flooding my mind. Maybe that's why, subconsciously, I floored the accelerator and I spun the wheel a little too soon.

Just then…

_**WHAM! CRUNCH…..**_

"EEK!" And I let out another curse.

I had run against the curb or something. Thus the horrible crunching sound.

But I continued to accelerate onto the road before me without giving another thought to it.

My sudden constricting chest reminded me to breath slow and deep to calm myself down.

And the silver coupe, speeding out of the daylight and into the darkness.

I was concerned about the crash a little while ago but I had to distance myself from that place.

And soon… after ten minutes of this, a fair distance away from that pachinko parlor…

I stopped at some roadside and got out to inspect the damage.

Thank god it doesn't look too serious." I told her as she poked her head out of the window to watch me.

She nodded at my words.

The car had a small bump in the rear fender and a small crack in the muffler.

It didn't look as if there would be any problems driving like this.

I released a loud sigh, somewhat relieved at the damage.

How……. Unlucky.

I thought back at what had happened at the pachinko parlor. I had slipped there but if only I had been more skillful, I might have pulled it off.

And the reason I wasn't able to hold onto that cash box was because it had been a while since I had lifted anything as heavy as that.

I only I had held onto it with all of my strength, I might have been able to make it.

"…. You miscalculated..."

"It seems like I did."

"The current you can't do what the former you could have." She spoke as if she had seen right through me.

"But…"

"It's best not to think of it the same way."

I didn't reply.

Perhaps she was right. I didn't want to admit how different I had become.

Fair enough, I hadn't anticipated at all that I could grow to this weak.

"Then what should I do?"

"………….."

No answer.

Eyes turned in silence towards the window to stare into the dark night sky.

This was probably her way in telling me… to give up.

**

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**So this is the new chapter.. more will be soon. **

**comments and flames are most welcome!**

**PS: the other 2 stories will be updated some time next month...**


	6. Narcissus 5

**Author's note: Guess what people... (if you are not living under a rock and reads newspapers or watches the news) i'm quarantined at home due to the spread of swine flu aka H1N1 virus. i attended a camp where 7 people had caught the flu and i'm being suspected and under quarantined till further notice.**

**so guess what people? next chapter should be up in a few days due to this... ARGH!! i havnt step out of the house in 3 days already!**

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Chapter 4

The Emerald Sea

* * *

_My time at a standstill…_

_My heart at a standstill… _

_Useless trivia upon useless trivia... _

_Days spent gazing at a map, closing my eyes traveling through unfamiliar roads…_

One day… the usual monthly magazines stacked on the table… a photograph of a front cover drew my eyes. A female model in a showy swimsuit with provocative poses on a sandy beach.

A smile captured right before the emerald sea that I had always dreamed about.

… she was probably my age…

Smiling at me happily, cheerfully, with her outstanding perfect figure.

It wasn't as if I was jealous or anything.

I didn't own any swimsuits to begin with and I didn't come close to having the need for them.

My blue pajamas were quite enough for me.

"_I'd spend too many seasons, so many white overcast skies… without the want or the need to converse with anybody."_

I remembered… That day... June of the first year of middle school. The day of my first hospitalization…

I remembered having ordered a swimsuit. I remembered having done so several years ago.

That day… I remember… that swimsuit that I ordered.. that lost its opportunity to be used.

I took that school swimsuit, new as the day I bought it, out of the drawer where it had patiently waited for years.

I took off my usual pajamas and timidly put on that navy blue swimsuit.

…. I was shocked…

It had already been years… but I fit so perfectly as if it was made for me just yesterday…

And that swimsuit model was smiling at me warmly… smiling at me from the midst of the emerald sea.

Smiling at me warmly and happily with that beautiful womanly figure… it was… saddening.

It wasn't as if I was jealous… no.

The truth was that I was probably yearning for it.

Yearning for it impossibly, stubbornly because I knew that it was absolutely impossible.

"_But…."_

"… _the huge scars on my chest were telling me to just give up."_

"_My life long companions – my scars- were telling me to go back to world of closed eyes."_

* * *

January 22 2005

Around the time when the sun slowly arc down and dyed the western horizon orange, we were on the road as usual.

… what should we do now…

We really had no more money left to spare.

"Hey Shizuru…" as I thought upon these things, she caught me by surprises by calling out to me.

"Are you allowed to soak in baths?"

"Yes. They said that I could go ahead unless it was a long protracted bath."

"I see…."

What did she by "allowed" and what I meant by "they" was the doctors didn't caution us against it.

There had been many who been forbidden to do so due to kidney or digestive tract issues.

And now that I thought about it, her problem was probably in her circulatory system, just like me.

A thought came up. "Ara Natsuki… is it that you wish to soak into a bath?"

"… is it not allowed?"

"No. its just that I kind of wanted to as well."

Even so, we didn't have enough money to stay at a hotel or inn.

"Then do you want to stop by a public bathhouse?"

"Bathhouse?"

"Yes. We got enough money for that at least."

"… no… its fine."

"What does Natsuki mean by 'Fine'?"

It had already been 3 days since we left or rather escape from 8F.

We were allowed to bathe twice a week there, and had sponge bath twice a day as well.

Then again, we weren't getting very sweaty given the season and since we were in a car we weren't getting dirty…

"Could it be…. that Natsuki is embarrassed?" I lost the fight against the urge to tease her. "Could it be Natsuki is embarrassed to bathe in a public bathhouse?"

"… no… not really. Nothing like that at all."

---

Around the time when the sun had completely disappeared and the moon waxed large in the night sky.

Some distance away… I found something that looked like a park with a public restroom.

_This would have to do…_

I stopped the car at a small shelter. And then I rummaged in the back seat through the clump of clothing.

If I remembered correctly, there were 2-3 towels in the heap.

And then, after sifting through a bunch of clothes, I found 2 hand towels after all.

One had some Hello Kitty designs on the cloth and the other was just plain and simple in white.

"All right. Would Natsuki like to… freshen up?"

"wha-?"

I just offered a smile as I pulled the keys out of the ignition. "Let's go." I didn't bother to wait for her reply as I stepped out of the car. She just quietly followed behind me as we headed to the restroom.

Inside I headed the cute designed towel to Natsuki and I proceeded to wet the other in my hand.

Her eyebrows just crocked and glared at the huge pink designs, which seemed to have offended her… _Maybe her tastes?_

I watched her emotions played on her face through the dirtied mirror. A silent chuckle and I asked, "Is something the matter?"

Immediately, her facial expressions returned to its normal stoic state. "No… nothing."

"If Natsuki says so…" with that, I turned on the tap. I stared at my disgusted reflection. My face… has lost its shine. My skin seemed paler and my eyes had sunken in…

_Who is that in the mirror? Me? I hate this…I hate my reflection… I hate what is happening to me... _

_I hate this…_

The dry cloth over the cold running water. Water cold enough to freeze me stiff.

I squeezed the excess water out and took off my sweater. The chilly fabric ran around my neck and down my body.

The icy feeling together with the cold wind… this feels so good. I felt refreshed.

Glancing over, I only could see Natsuki's pale back. Her smooth black hair was tied up and the pink towel moved wiped every inch of her body, just as I had. As she turned towards the tap to dampen the cloth once more, she looked up and caught me staring at her.

"Do-don't look!" She cried out as she tried covering her body with her thin arms.

Those sick-looking arms wrapped around her upper body, trying to cover her dull scars on her chest.

I gasped as my eyes traced out the scars on her body. Those surgical scars marred across her chest and down to her bra-clad breasts. Those wounds are so much larger than mine.

"I said don't look!" her frantic voice was heard as that damp Hello Kitty towel attacked my face.

Astonished at the sudden attack of wet towel, I could only chuckle at her actions.

Natsuki… she is an interesting person. One moment she could be as cold as ice and the next her emotions could be played on her face as clear as the crystal.

"Ara ara. I didn't know Natsuki is such a shy person." I giggled as I took away the towel that was blocking my vision. She already had her sweater back on and her face was blushing. Arms crossed as her eyes were letting out a deadly glare.

_So cute…_

"Shut up." She whispered somewhat harshly and left. Her blush was still on that pale face as her ponytail grazed my face as she walked past me.

I giggled again. I didn't expect that kind of reaction from her. That was… something refreshing.

Something new.

The cold wet towels gathered in my hands after I put my sweater back on. I breathed in deeply. _What am I doing? What am I suppose to do?_

A cough escaped my throat.

And god it hurts.

Teeth gritted and copper taste followed. _How long more?_

--

When I walked out of the restroom, I saw my companion sitting on a swing. Just sitting there and staring into the star filled sky. The cold wind picked up its speed and her hair was pushed to the back, showing her flawless face to the world.

Moon light did not do her beauty any justice.

Her eyes, that always seemed so far and lost, was gazing at the moon.

Her impressive long hair that was being played by the cold winter wind.

Her clothes that did not match her figure.

It all just seemed so beyond reach.

I shook my head, erasing that thought. What was that? I exhaled and took a brave step forward, towards the unattainable figure.

"We should get back to the car Natsuki. It's getting cold."

"Have you ever…"

I waited patiently for her to finish that question… but it never got completed.

"Let's go. You're shivering." She said as she walked back to the resting vehicle at the shelter.

I could only jog after her.

---------

Inside the car… shrouded in the dark of the night.

"Say Natsuki… that felt pretty good right?"

"… yeah."

"Ara.. I hope Natsuki isn't mad at me. I didn't mean to look..."

She didn't reply immediately. After her back turned towards me, she said, "Is it… that strange?" I stared at her reflection in the window.

* * *

January 25 2005

The noisy silver coupe underneath the cloudy skies drove around without a destination, as per usual.

This is day 3 since our escape.

And nothing had really changed in that time.

Along the way, we found a quiet park with a run-down restroom that we used for washing up.

Other than that, we were out of money and we were running out of gas again.

"is Natsuki getting tired?"

"No… not really."

We exchanged these words while eating convenience store bought rice balls.

They might have been tastier than anything up at 8F but they were becoming pretty boring and distasteful by now.

But we didn't have enough money to have anything but this kind of meal.

"… it's so noisy."

"Ara?"

"The car's sound is louder than before."

"Oh."

This was probably because of my little accident when escaping from the pachinko parlor.

I hadn't really noticed it but sure enough, the car was sounding louder.

It wasn't that serious… we had a bigger problem in mind. Gas.

I had already been driving for five minutes since the meter had bottomed out at empty.

And I only had 900 yen. Unlike last time, this was obviously not enough. And if the car stopped due to the lack of gas, we would not be able to do anything anymore.

Having decided, I looked for a gas station.

Having found one, I stopped the car next to the nearest pump.

"I'm going to get some gas."

"I see."

"Bur don't get out of the car."

No answer came. But she probably knew what I meant by that.

I opened the cap of the gas tank and snaked the gas hose in.

Only one other car in the station and the little building with an attendant within.

Probably there to get payment and give back change…

According to the notice on the wall, you're suppose to take the receipt to him when done.

We could probably make out getaway right now if we wanted.

This…. Is what I felt, asi looked around the quiet gas station.

22…23…24….25….

The numbers went by the meter… slowly…

Too slowly….

Unlike the last time.

I kept wondering uneasily, if it wouldn't fill up a little bit faster.

And just as the meter hit 42, just before the tank as full…

"Welcome!"

For some reason, the attendant that had been int eh building until now, was rushing towards us.

"Good morning, are your tire pressure and ashtrays okay?"

I blanked for a moment before registering his words. "Oh yes they are."

"I see… well its cold out, so please do be careful."

He even started cleaning the windows, as if trying to take good care of us.

While he did so, the pump detected that the tank was full and the crisp sound of paper being printed was heard. In a second, the white receipt was spitted out from the machine.

"Oh please go over there to pay."

He stopped wiping the windows for a second and pointed at the building.

I held the receipt in my hands in silence and stood completely still, wondering what I should do.

"Is something the matter, madam?" the concerned voice came.

"Oh no. its nothing." I flashed a small smile and returned back to the driver's seat.

For now, I'm in the safety of this car…

And just as I started the engine…. What should I do now?

The attendant was washing the rear window by now.

And so if I floored the accelerator now…then he would probably be able to read the licence plate right away.

And we would be arrested. Just like that.

… but we had to escape now…

Having decided, I floored the clutch.

And just as I was about to shift the gear from neutral to first....

"Here you go…"

My confused face looked at her.

"Go ahead and use it."

A pure white envelope was produced and she pulled out a 10000 yen note and handed to me.

"Ara. Natsuki had money on her?"

I never thought that she would have any.

And because of that, we had so many hardships until now.

"Why didn't Natsuki tell me earlier?"

"Did you … ask?" Her response to my simple question.

I was stunned at her counter. "Umm… well… errmm…"

"Because you didn't ask…"

And with that, she turned back in slice to the window.

The silver coupe was in motion once more.

The tank was full again and we had more than the measly 900 yen with us.

But what had happened was weighing heavily in my mind.

"Hey Natsuki… you know…"

"Here this is all of it."

"Huh?" before I could get any further, she presented the envelope to me.

"Can I use this?"

"It doesn't really matter."

I looked at the content of the envelope and saw 4 new crisp 10000 yen notes.

This would be enough.

But now, there was something entirely different on my mind.

… _why did Natsuki had so much money on her?_

The couple thousand yen that I had bought with me were just whatever u had on hand at that time.

But in her case… it seemed as if she was preparing this all along.

"Hey Natsuki… Natsuki said that she didn't want to die on 8F right? And not at home either." I paused and continued, "Me too. I feel the same way."

"Then where exactly did you want to go?"

She didn't reply me….

"Didn't Natsuki prepare the money for this purpose?"

And then I remembered what she had told me earlier…

That she was going to go somewhere while she could.

And she asked me if I would stop her or go with her.

"So in truth… there is somewhere Natsuki wanted to go… right?"

"No. not really."

"That's not much of an answer."

"… there isn't anywhere…:"

That was all she muttered…. Desolately…sadly…

If that was the case, had she been preparing for a trip all by herself without having a destination in mind this entire time?

It did make me wonder who would do such a lonely thing…

But as I gazed at her lonely-looking profile… I found my answer… She would.

"Then how about you?"

"Me? Not really…"

"… don't imitate me."

"I'm not imitating you."

We kept driving along without a destination.

One had escaped from 8F without a second thought. The other had made futile preparations without a destination.

But…

"… right now. Anywhere is fine with me. But I do really want to go somewhere."

"Where would that be?"

At least for me, I wanted a path to follow. I was fine with anything. As long as it was a path… a destination.

"How about the Awaji Island that Natsuki was talking about?"

She gave no reply. "We can get there with the money we have."

Really, anywhere would been fine. As long as it wasn't 8F or at home. As long as we could get there.

But we couldn't just wonder around aimlessly.

I wanted to head towards a destination no matter what destination it might be.

"… what about Natsuki? Would you want to try going there?"

"… not really…" with that, she turned back to the window in her usual silent fashion.

Those emeralds, same as ever, looking at somewhere into the distance.

Just what could she be looking at?

Just want was she hoping for when she came with me?

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**So an update.. review please?????? *hands out e-cookies to everyone***


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